On Masochism

The common sense understanding of masochism is achieving erotic pleasure from pain and humiliation.  The aim is sexual release.  This is sexually driven masochism.

But there are other conditions that lead to masochistic behaviors that are not tied directly to erotic pleasure.  One of these Freud called moral masochism.  This is psychological masochism rather than sexual masochism.  In this condition a person self-punishes and seeks agony to relieve or accommodate to unconscious guilt. The dynamic is, first, anger and unmodulated rage, then self-punishment and debasement to redress unconscious guilt caused by these thoughts that the person cannot accept.  This process is established very early in life where the individual did not have higher order capacity to reason things out. The hypothesis is that the individual has early aggressive reactions to a harsh and punishing mother, or similar environment, that are unacceptable to him.  The aggression is met with unconscious opprobrium that in turn triggers extreme guilt.  The stronger the anger the more guilt attends to it, and the more the person seeks self-punishments for relief. 

That’s the psychodynamic formulation.  There is also a behavioral explanation possible, either on its own or combined with the moral masochism explained above. Having a harsh and critical mother/caretaker during critical developmental periods, the person has learned to actively debase him/herself in the hope the caretaker will notice and provide the desired succor.  This is a theory of learned masochism.  The hoped for reinforcement, in a behaviorally driven model, is the expectation that by doing this the harsh caretaker will provide the desired soothing support. It’s the forever game. 

It's likely both dynamics are functioning – moral masochism and learned masochism. 

The object of therapy is to help the person acknowledge his behaviors are dysfunctional, then slowly work towards a mature understanding of how he arrived at the dynamic, thus reducing the dysfunctional motivations and allowing for a more realistic adaptation to life’s challenges.