Thoughts About The False Self

The Core Belief: "I Don't Deserve This"

People sometimes have self-assessments that include ideas that they are not good enough, they don’t deserve anything, they can’t achieve, or variations on these themes. It is very limiting and often leads to depression, unhappiness, and a failure to reach one's potential.

What Is the False Self?

The concept of the False Self, developed by renowned psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, offers a powerful explanation for these feelings. It describes a self-denying and self-denigrating persona that develops during a person’s young years.

This persona emerges as a response to a "not good enough" caretaking experience—usually from the mother, but potentially from any primary childhood caretaker—or from early trauma.

How the False Self Develops

The developing child creates a way of being to accommodate this faulty holding environment. This adaptation, in turn, disallows their True Self or Genuine Self from emerging.

In this conceptualization, it is a defensive process that creates a sub-optimal compromise: if normally expected growth is thwarted, the person adapts as best they can.

1. The True Self is Stifled: The True Self (what would have developed naturally if all systems were in the normal range) is shunted down, stifled, or even never begun.

2. The False Self Takes Over: It is replaced by a set of self-defeating behaviors and thoughts, ending with self-denigrating and self-limiting expectations of the person’s place in the world.

3. The Shell Hardens: The result is an unconscious belief that interactions with others or engagement in activities will yield little but unhappiness. The person may not like it, but they feel it is what is fated. The shell (False Self) becomes the mode of being.

   
   

The Long-Term Impact on Adulthood

The way the False Self develops and its final solidification varies by individual. Nevertheless, it becomes the modal persona which carries through into adulthood.

The False Self protects the vulnerable True Self by hiding it, but the cost is a life that feels "phony" or empty. The individual survives but feels disconnected from their own spontaneity and authentic needs.

https://theweekenduniversity.com/true-or-false-winnicotts-notions-of-self/#:~:text=The%20true%20self%20refers%20to,rather%20than%20spontaneous%20and%20genuine